Fun Police Take Away Firecrackers, Lollipops are Next!

Erica HollowayErica Holloway 25 Comments

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Ooooooh! Aaaaaah! Oh, would ya’ look at the pretty firecrackers.

Uh-oh. The Fun Police just arrived.

I’m sorry, kids. Gonna have to take your happiness.

I’ll be back later for your lollipops and American flags.

And while the fireworks debate goes national, as the San Diego Union-Tribune notes so (melo)dramatically, my hometown of Flint made the FBI’s list for most violent city.

But seriously, firecrackers. That’s huge front page news. Bigger than Bin Laden.

– Follow me @erica_holloway.

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Comments 25

  1. 1) Firecrackers are different from fireworks. Look it up.

    2) This post was mundane enough to be better Facebook or Twitter material (“I’m eating breakfast,” “I’m on the toilet,” etc…).

    Thanks anyway, I guess. The Flint link is interesting, although I wonder how you managed to bury it while complaining about how it was buried.

  2. Apparently, Erica, not everyone gets your sarcasm, just those who can think outside the box or who have a sense of humor…or both.

  3. Post
    Author

    Hi Democrab:

    1) Bahahahaha. Who cares?

    2) Eww. Please keep your democrabs off toilets while eating breakfast. Very contagious and unsanitary.

    Best,

    Erica

  4. Post
    Author

    Dear Spin Zone:

    Democrabs live inside boxes? I thought they lived in the shadows, like patchouli-scented ninjas.

    Best,

    Erica

  5. Erica:

    During his speech last Thursday at the Lincoln-Reagan
    dinner, Grover Norquist used a related term for the folks
    you rightly label The Fun Police. Mr. Norquist refers to
    them as the “Coercive Utopians”.

  6. Reminds us of just about the dumbest liberal bumper sticker from the 80s, slightly revised here…

    “One firecracker can ruin your whole day.”

  7. Regarding fireworks vs. firecrackers, I just thought details would matter to a self-described “Former Journalist.”

    Then again, maybe that’s why Erica is a former journalist.

  8. Truly unbelievable that someone is so completely obsessed with calling us out (simply because we’re conservative, no doubt), that they can’t even see the on-purpose use of the specifically chosen word, “Firecracker,” clearly written as if a child were saying it and didn’t know the difference. Or maybe an imbecile.

    Oh, sorry, that would be some of our readers.

  9. So bummed.

    Expected more bite from usually entertaining author. Fun police = tired/trite. Literary equivalent of 80s banana clip for hair.

    Seems no journalist (or former journalist) has chops to delve into the details of CEQA, that glorious state law that governs this situation.

    Would that conservatives could talk as easily as Gonzalez did on KPBS about the finer points of that law. Lawyer for La Jolla Foundation sounded like he swallowed Black’s Law Dictionary for breakfast then puked it up on air. Speak English, patriot lawyer!

    Instead, Roth, Faulconer and now author resort to histrionics involving jumpy jumps, suntan lotion and “fun police.”

    Gonzalez wins day’s battle for rhetorical ability, spicier jabs.

  10. Post
    Author

    Dear Democrab:

    Self-described former journalist? Is that different from just being a former journalist? At any rate, either sounds better than being a current journalist, self-described or otherwise.

    Best,

    Erica

  11. Post
    Author

    Gayle, D7 Voter and Thor’s Assistant:

    You’re my peeps.

    Uh-oh. Someone call the word police, I used a slang word.

    Best,

    Erica

  12. Post
    Author

    Dear Sandy:

    I’m usually entertaining? Feels like we’re making progress here.

    Send me your address. Gotta banana clip here with your name on it.

    Best,

    Erica

  13. @Thor’s assistant: I’m just looking for substance. I get crabby when I expect something interesting, but all I find is stream of consciousness nonsense.

    I also don’t pretend to identify with conservative beliefs. I actually find conservative beliefs, and the reasoning behind them, quite interesting, though.

    I definitely did not “see the on-purpose use” of “firecracker” vs. “firework.” Is it really that obvious? It’s not a witty joke and the idea isn’t expanded upon.

    In fact, there is kind of an important difference. Commercial “firecrackers” in dry San Diego county could start wildfires (something which we can all agree sucks), which is a good reason to restrict them. Fireworks, on the other hand, are in trouble for a completely different reason — their proximity to water.

    Just seemed like a throwaway post — not particularly enlightening and random in its content. I reserve the right to let you know. It’s a rostrum, after all.

  14. Erica I do believe you were called out for not being funny enough. That just happened.

    I would just like to point that out.

  15. We had a technical delay in getting several of the comments that were posted after 430 pm up on the blog until just now. Our apologies.

  16. Post
    Author

    Dear Friends:

    Woohoo! You all made me No. 1 in comments for the day on Rostra.

    Please, take a bow for your dedicated efforts.

    Best,

    Erica

    P.S. Let’s get some firecrackers and blow stuff up!

  17. OMG. As in … Oh. My. Gawd. With periods.

    A good guess is that Erica does know the difference between firecrackers and fireworks, but had NO IDEA that her flippant and purposeful use of the out-of-the-mouths-of-babes word would result in an obtuse primer on the difference.

    So, as we understand it, firecrackers can start fires, but fireworks cannot, and fireworks can only be used near water. Now we understand.

    We don’t know whether to laugh or shake our heads.

  18. If the post itself wasn’t so funny, the responses are hysterical! Holloway’s point was that whatever you call it, be you a child or an adult, what you know is what you see. Someone did away with their fireworks. People love fireworks — I don’t care what your reason for hating them might be and that’s why people get so up in arms every year when the fireworks shows are on the budgetary chopping block. Whatever it costs, they want the show because everyone loves fireworks – it’s just a simple fact. So, they’ll hate you, your reason and the city if someone doesn’t fight to keep the fireworks. Plain and simple.

  19. Post
    Author

    Gayle:

    Sorry about that girl. You know where to send them next after they knock on your door.

    Thor’s Assistant and Spin Zone:

    You are both wise and correct. July 4th fireworks date back to 1777 as do other portions of that day’s national family traditions which have grown to include barbecues, parades, fairs, picnics, and baseball. It’s become as American as apple pie.

    Without the show at the end of the long day of July 4 fun, the day’s not the same. It’s a patriotic symbol of joyful celebration denoting our freedom.

    Best,

    Erica

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