The Private Lives of Navy SEALs

As a Navy wife, my life’s faced some tough roads. In 11 years, my beloved spent nearly 5 years away from San Diego, away from me and our friends, away from everyday life as an American.

He missed Sept. 11 and the madness in the days, weeks, months following. He missed holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. He missed buying Christmas trees, family trips and all the good and bad times life can toss at you. Once, he was even recalled back to Japan on July 4th.

The life of a military spouse never ceases to cause strain.

Then, I made friends with a Navy SEAL wife and my view of what’s military life shifted. SEALs are gone for weeks or months at a time, come home for a few precious days and disappear again off to another mission or training in a land unknown.

Just as her life seemed to feel settled in San Diego after a number of bumpy moves, her life uprooted once more when her husband made Team 6, the exclusive division of the SEALs. He wasn’t here when she packed up her life, to which he barely belonged, to settle across the country where he again, hasn’t been home much.

Two major events happened since then: the Somalia pirates and Osama bin Laden missions. He may have been there, he may not. He would never say, we would never ask.

In our years as friends, I have learned one great truth about SEALs: they’re unassuming. It’s not the tough-looking, big burly guys who made it through BUDs training, but the guys with the tough interior, the mental resolve to compartmentalize sometimes unbearable experiences.

I’ve met dozens of SEALs, their wives, family and friends over the years. Not one has introduced themselves to someone new as a SEAL. They usually say: “I’m in the Navy.” Were it not for my friend speaking the plain truth to me about what her husband does, I might still be in the dark.

All the mystique surrounding these brave men really builds up the legend which at its roots begins with extraordinary sailors. Yet, unlike most sailors I’ve know, SEALs carry around a silent, invisible, immense burden on their shoulders.

In their personal lives, the odds are against them of having what most Americans could consider “normal” lives. The divorce rates are a great deal higher than other sectors of the military or civilian population.

Since knowing my friend, she and her husband must have sat bedside or graveside more than a dozen times to dear SEAL friends. I’ve said countless prayers for her husband and the friends I’ve met through them, good guys who just want to serve their country, raise families and one day, retire and leave it all behind.

In times past, I’ve not know the fallen until last Saturday when my friend called to report a sweet Midwestern kid was killed in the now infamous devastating attack in Afghanistan. He had just bought a house and the tight-knit unit of SEALs and their wives planned on helping him paint it upon his return.

My friend didn’t get to say her good-byes due to her own life conflicts. It weighs on her knowing that whatever it was couldn’t compare to the importance of giving a good friend one last hug and farewell.

It’s hard to know how to feel. I’m proud to have known him, devastated he’s gone.

Just reminds me that no matter the lore, they’re brave, flesh and blood Americans. That’s something Disney will never be able to trademark.

– Follow me @erica_holloway.