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All media stories now follow this pattern

Michael Schwartz shares his latest gem…

Here’s the pattern for any story these days:

NEWS: This is the biggest thing to ever happen. Your neighbors are all gonna die because they aren’t watching us for information on this horrible catastrophe that we promise we aren’t exaggerating for ratings.

GOVERNMENT: Do everything the news tells you to do, and do what we say because we are going to make sure you’re ok. But if anything bad does happen, it’s not our fault because you’re completely on your own. Also, climate change, racism, LGBT community.

THE LEFT: Comply with government, no matter what. It’s freedom. And if you don’t, you are a Trumper who hates kids, people of color, women, and LGBT.

THE RIGHT: I am not some conspiracy theory guy, but my theory is that this is a conspiracy. The dumb, incompetent left have pulled off yet another extremely complex, next to impossible thing, but they did it and got it past the much smarter and more capable elected people we told you to vote for because they’ll save you from the left.

Then not much happens.

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